Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick is Stupid and Anti-American

Texas Lt. Governor Dan Patrick stunned the nation when, on Tucker Carlson’s news broadcast, he suggested that grandparents are willing to sacrifice their lives so that the rest of the country can get back to work. He seems to suggest that by letting the elderly die off, somehow the rest of us will be protected and able to go about business as usual.

First, let’s address the stupid part.

Dan Patrick is dumber than a box of hair.

Viruses aren’t good ol’ boys swaddled in camo with Yeti coffee mugs and Ducks Unlimited decals on their rear windows, out to bag the daily limit.

Viruses are motherfucking spree killers pumped up on angel dust and Four Loko.

We can’t ask TxDOT to use those nifty signs to direct viruses which exit to take and which parking lot to use to go get the olds.

The more people exposed, the more who fall ill. That’s it. That’s the way this works. There’s no vaccine, and the treatment doesn’t always work even if you can access it. The outbreak will only run its course if we limit the number of people the virus can reach, which we can do by staying at home and avoiding other people who might be infected.

Now, let’s look at the second issue, Dan Patrick’s stunning lack of confidence in each and every one of us in this country, which is what leads me to say that

Dan Patrick is anti-American.

Dan Patrick and Donald Trump are making the same argument—equally ineloquently—letting the economy tank is worse than letting the virus kill a bunch of people, so we should go back to work and pretend it’s all good.

Why does Dan Patrick think a month or two of large numbers of people working from home and some people needing increased government assistance over the short-term will completely and totally wreck us?

Does he not believe in American ingenuity? In bootstraps? In our cultural obsession with reinvention? Doesn’t he know we’re the Timex Nation?

There are only two options here, and honestly, hard to say which paints Danny boy in the worse light.

Either he thinks Americans have become so worthless and weak that we can’t dig ourselves out of a hole, or he knows the game is rigged.

Can’t we dig ourselves out of a hole? Isn’t that who we are as a people? And I don’t say that in a jocular and jingoistic way, but in a very sincere and human way. Despite much evidence to the contrary, humans are remarkably resilient. It might really, really get bleak, but we will push through. As noted scientist Dr. Ian Malcolm said, “life, uh, finds a way.”

Or does Dan think we can’t dig ourselves out of a hole because he knows he and the other kleptocrats are ringing the edges, filling it up with quick-setting concrete faster than we can pull ourselves out?

America, don’t listen to Dan Patrick, who is truly just another bombastic two-bit Texas dimwit. Tell MawMaw and PeePaw it’s safe to come out onto the porch as long as they stay six feet away from everyone else for the next couple of months and keep washing their hands. They don’t have to sacrifice themselves for our mutual funds. We’ll all get through this together.